Fading into Shadow, Falling onto Stone.

Hope is something I didn't lack.
Each day I relied on it like a back.

Isn't it strange, the way its always
So cruel, the things hope has to face?

So much threatens the only thing
On which I build each song I sing.

Diminishing each time you speak,
I try to save hopes that now reek
So much of abandonment and loss
Can't you realise you're the cause?
Of my losing my drive to become
Unafraid of words, which for some
Remains nothing great at all, but then
Again, that's because they're blind when
Given more than two phrases.
I cringed, and time now races.
Now I've gotta safeguard hope,
Gotta ignore you, no time to mope.

I left part of myself with you.

You are in the morning,
And I am in the evening.
You are the dawn,
I am the dusk.
You have just begun,
But I am about to end.

I was going through my Cedar yearbook yesterday. And it suddenly hit me real hard that I really miss those days. Just two years there is enough to make you miss them so much, the people, the place, my CCAs.

My Cedarian friends are simply wonderful. We've gone through so much together, and they're always there for me. We've gotten into trouble, we've had our fun times, and we've had bad times. But we were always together. When the seperation happened, i tried my very best to unite both groups as one, i really did. I guess things had gotten too bad by then. If any of you are reading this, do me favour, try improving the situation on my behalf. Please.

Then, my CCA. Uniformed groups are indescribable. Cedar Red Cross Youth is the best CCA i've ever been in and when i left Cedar, i left part of me behind with CRCY. It's all about unity, it's all about determinaton, team work, sticking together, standing up for each other, loyalty, team spirit, passion. And when all the pain finally pays of in the end, it's a wondrous feeling. It's when you realise what the CCA actually means. It's when you realise why you have to clean the recovery room till its spotless, why you have to have footdrill training for hours in the sun, why everything must run perfectly during camp.

Footdrill is one of the best things about a uniformed group because it all about uniformity, attention, unity, mutual understanding, helping each other, getting praised and punished together. It's a team effort, and when everyone puts their heart into it, it's a beautiful sight. During the footdrill competitions, at national level, whether your actually marching or cheering your school on, you feel the thrill, and that's when you know you will never be as happy in any other CCA. After watching the squad execute standard drills, on-the-spot drills and fancy drills, with their heads up and shoulders pulled back you feel so proud, and when they announce your school as the champion, there's..there's no where else i'd rather be.

I enjoyed TLDDS as well, but nothing beats CRCY. All the competitiveness from the the other uniformed groups and everything..I just cant get over not being part of it all anymore. The type of people you meet in Cedar are different from any other people. And I can never forget them.

That doesn't mean I don't like where I am now. 05V14 is the best class i've been in so far. But another day. This post is getting long.

We shall not be moved..
We are from Red Cross, we shall not be moved.
We are from Red Cross, we shall not be moved.
Like the trees that are planted by the waterside,
We shall not be moved.
Red Cross, Red Cross, all the way.
We like it here we love it here we've found ourselves a home.
A home, a home sweet home.

Try cheering that while doing hentak, and you'll understand what a Uniformed Group is about.

The call of my soul

There are some whom i recognise
By their faces, or pretty eyes.
They are the ones who pass by,
Without much more than goodbye.

Then there are those I identify
By a voice, a profile, they beautify
every place they're in, but they,
are ones to whom I have little to say.

Them they are, whom I connect
To smiles, laughter, in introspect.
I enjoy greatly their company,
They colour my life, in symphony.

The more precious ones I associate,
With serious talks, when I can relate,
Just what I think, and ever it seems,
They're always there to fill my dreams.

And few there are, whom I realise
Are far more worth than I surmise.
They're beautiful souls, works of art,
Forever, forever a part of my heart.

But you, whom I never dared
To look in the eye, I was scared,
To see you both come and go, so I do
Notice your arrival by your shoe.

For ever I saw it standing,
By mine, or on the landing.
Like it and hate it, I so do,
I recognise you by your shoe.

Looking back on everything that happened, she wonders if it's fair, fair to be forced to sacrifice a wonderful friendship. She wonders, and above her and around her, the storm rages. She is the eye, she is the centre, and surrounding her is a turmoil of thought.

Looking for an exit, she finds none. Trapped in her thoughts, she resigns herself to her fate.

And there she will stay, till he tells her it ain't her fault.

[ Not all "She"s or "I"s that i use in this blog refer to me =) ]

Autumn Confidences

The leaves fall, one by one.
Twirling, floating to the ground.
Until they form a big red heap,
Upon which you fitfully sleep.

The well-used window seat
Where i used to sit and gaze
At the place where sea and sky meet,
Now has me in a daze.

The leaves fall on your face,
And you reach to brush them away.
There's naught I can do but encase
What's left of a memory, each ray.

That seat is now dusty,
But i wipe it down.
And take my place, expertly,
Like a king and his crown.

And then, I look at the heap,
Watching as you flawlessly keep,
A straight face, but hard as you try,
I know what goes on behind the lie.

Gone are the days when i would run,
Out from that seat, to enjoy the fun.
Gone are the days when you would leap,
Up at once, my company to keep.

Hard as I deny, I know for sure,
That you and I can never tour,
Those memories again, without feeling
The gnawing pain of a permanant sealing.

All I can do is to hope against hope
That we will, once more, be able to rope
Our confidences in each other,
There can never be another.

i know your angry, but what would you have me do?